The Tragedy of Body Shame in Women Over 50

Is It An Epidemic?

Happy Wednesday Golden Divas!

Let’s get right to it ladies. We’ve all been there, and we’ve all seen the changes to our bodies on the other side of 50. Some changes may have been good and some well not so good. To keep this post as real as possible when I visited the doctor the other day, she told me that I had gained over twenty pounds in the past three years. In my mind, I was saying not me the scale is wrong. I’m the girl that only gains 2 to 3 pounds a year. As you can see, I prided myself in maintaining my weight, because I had a thin body frame and high metabolism. Dr. Debbie proceeded by telling me since menopause started my metabolism has drastically slowed down and what I use to do is not working now to keep the weight down.

As you can imagine I was in total denial although physically I can see the change in my face and body (get this) I didn’t want it staring me right in the face. I use to love my slender physique, never having problems with buying clothes in size 10, and I always loved the compliments about having a small waistline. Those days are gone with the wind, and basically, I was told I am holding a lot of wind in my stomach (gas) trying to be nice. My doctor said to me that I’m staying bloated and I need to get on a good probiotic. So, if you guys know of one, please share. This darn menopause crap is kicking my butt!

Body Shaming

Anyway, this leads me to this weekly post.

‘Body Shaming’ the act of humiliating someone with rude and insulting critical comments about their body shape or size.

I’m sure you have heard of this, and the biggest bully can be the society in how they view women of a certain age and size. Unfortunately, this act can provide a sense of insecurity to women over 50. If you allow it and Golden Divas I know we are not having it. I almost fell in that way of thinking after my doctor’s appointment but after all of the denial, I looked in the mirror and said ‘Baby Bye’ I’m overall healthy so no need to go down that road of feeling I’m not beautiful with my extra weight.

Society has programmed people to believe that when you’re 50 plus you’re no longer desirable, sexy or beautiful. The world sees youth as the ultimate beauty. However, when you’re living life on the other side of 50, you are invisible in society. God forbid if you gain some weight society as we know it will scoop in and body shame you for it.

Ladies, it’s a given that we should think about our health more so than ever; especially now when our bodies are drastically changing. But no matter what shape we are in we should never be ashamed of our bodies nor made to feel invisible because we are in our 50s. To me, that’s someone else’s problem and insecurities. Now don’t get me wrong we are entitled to love who we want to love no matter their age and size just don’t body shame the person if you are not interested in them such as French writer Yann Moix did. This man body shamed women over 50 as he discussed his preferences.

“I prefer younger women’s bodies, that’s all. End of. The body of a 25-year-old woman is extraordinary. The body of a woman of 50 is not extraordinary at all.“

He also went on to say that he was ‘incapable’ of loving a woman over 50, commenting: “That’s not possible…too, too old.” He even said they were invisible to him.

Again I say everyone has their preferences and tastes and over 50’s women; especially us Golden Divas don’t care what this man has to say…but really dude body shaming women over 50 in such a way is not cool at all. His comment sparked outrage on Twitter amongst women and men.

Seriously he has a problem! Look at these beautiful women over 50. He is an insecure man who has to degrade women of a certain stature because he is not capable of accepting his truth.

I also believe that this discourteous act of body shaming is a treacherous epidemic and is worst for women, and even after countless attempts to lose weight throughout our lives, many of us are still trying in our later years. We might reason that we want to “be healthy.” Sometimes it’s an attempt to get back the younger body we’re mourning. It’s a loss to see our bodies changing in ways that our culture tells us is unattractive and undesirable. Especially if we had received a lot of attention for our looks, our body’s aging can be downright traumatic and feel like a betrayal. The messages are not subtle: Unless you are slender, you have a body that’s wrong and needs to be fixed. And shame is the natural reaction to feeling wrong or bad.

The focus on weight and body in our 50’s makes perfect sense. Much like adolescence when eating disorders often develop, there are significant transitions, adjustments, and losses in life after 50. Mothers who have spent so much of their time and energy parenting are sending their kids off. Parents and friends may be ill and need caretaking. One’s identity is in flux, and there are many unknowns. We may feel significant loss and emptiness. Chronic dieting is an excellent distraction from these anxieties.

Diets Give Us a Sense of Control and Safety

Diets help us put our lives in a safe container; instead of allowing ourselves to feel invisible, sad, or jealous, for example, we can focus in on carbs, points, calories or pounds. Dieting brings all of the ambivalence and discomfort into a realm we can control. They help us feel like we’re a project to be improved upon, and we’re making progress. Eating fewer carbs may help us feel powerful, disciplined, and even smug. This sense of control, however illusory, is welcome at a time when everything feels in turmoil.

Our 50’s are also a time when many women realize that their partnerships are not what they need or want in this phase of life. The “breakup diet” begins in response to the stress of divorce when we might unintentionally lose weight. But then we receive praise and compliments like, “You look great! How are you doing it?” That’s hard to resist for anyone. It feels great to feel a sense of accomplishment. The desire to maintain that attention is seductive. We may adopt restrictive eating rules to keep the new, lower-weight body. If we are looking to begin dating again, we tell ourselves that being thinner is necessary because the competition is rough. We may diet to compete with younger women. Adopting diet trends, such as gluten-free or low carb, may help us feel relevant in the face of feeling invisible. There’s nothing sexy about eating fresh foods that you like in moderation and moving for pleasure, not punishment. That is precisely what keeps us sane and balanced with diet and exercise.

The Power of the Diet Industry

The diet industry’s sole purpose, of course, is to convince us that we’re unlovable in our current bodies. If you’ve absorbed the prevailing message that losing weight increases your health, you might be surprised to know that that’s a gross oversimplification. This is a rampant myth, yet scientific research does not support this. Check out the book Body Respect by Linda Bacon, and prepare to have all of your beliefs about weight loss and health turned upside down. Approximately 98% of diets fail, and many people find they gain weight. Yo-yo dieting is proven to create health problems. Sadly, physicians still prescribe exercising more and eating less, as if it’s that easy. That advice is not sustainable nor based on science. It’s a setup, and we end up feeling like a failure. Our body shame is compounded by what we perceive is a lack of willpower.

Eating Disorders Are on the Rise Among Women Over 35

It’s essential to ask ourselves who benefits from our body shame. Some argue that dieting is a means of oppression of women. It’s not such a stretch. The Renfrew Center–the gold standard for eating disorder treatment facilities–reported that in the past decade, there had been a 42% increase in the number of women over the age of 35 who sought treatment at their clinic. And because eating disorders have the highest rate of mortality than any other mental health diagnosis, this is tragic.

Have we considered the emotional cost of body shame and loathing? How that constant negative orientation towards the very body that houses us erodes our confidence? Steals our energy? Pulls our focus from using our talents and skills? When is the last time we thanked our body for what it does so well–keeping our internal temperature at a constant rate, manage the billions of biochemical reactions that keep our system balanced? Run across the tennis court to chase down a ball?

Golden Divas remember no matter you size or what the scale shows you, you are beautiful and you should be comfortable in your own skin!

Talk to me Golden Divas, have you ever been body shamed?

Sources
https://womenatwoodstock.annvbaker.com
https://postittravel.com