The Identity Crisis
WHO ARE YOU?
Happy Halloween Golden Divas!
I ask this question because it’s not ONLY on Halloween that we wear masks and pretend to be other people. As women we like to hide our pain behind a mask (and I’m not talking about makeup either) that we wear daily; a veil of deceiving others that we are okay when in all actuality we are broken and don’t have a clue to who we have become.
I was watching one of my favorite reality shows ‘Married to Medicine’ (don’t judge) lol and a therapist was working on Dr. Heavenly one of the main characters on the show and he mentioned that our ‘Identity Years’ (13-18) shape us into who we become in the future.
Golden Divas, ya’ll know this got me to thinking about my next post. The month of October is ‘Mental Awareness’ month, and by no means, I’m saying either one of us is crazy but what I am saying we do go through a lot because we wear so many different hats as women that will unconsciously hide us behind our masks of protection.
So I would like to talk about our social and emotional state from childhood to adulthood and how we became fabulous or not so incredible women that we are today. We are all a work in progress.
Have you ever heard of the ‘GROWTH SEQUENCE?’ If not let me share it with you.
The growth sequence is when children go through several stages, or take specific steps, on their road to becoming adults. These are steps that shape us and mode us in our physical, language, intellectual, social, and emotional development stages.
Ladies, think back to your childhood values regarding sex, drugs, relationships, alcohol, and other issues and see how it shaped your values today as a woman in your fifties.
During this time between 15 –18 years old when I was trying to improve my organizational skills in school, activities, work-study, and my social life I often asked myself, Who am I? What type of woman will I become in the future? I explored my relationships, jobs, college options, religion, social and political issues.
I knew from jump street I didn’t ever want to date a guy who was a substance abuser my father was a heavy drinker and a chain smoker. It made me realize that although many thought this was a cool thing to do, I didn’t want any part of it as a young woman discovering my identity.
Speaking of identity let’s talk about ‘THE IDENTITY CRISIS!’
Many people think of identity crisis as something that an adolescent will go through; 
however, an identity crisis can happen in your adult life too; even in our fifties. YIKES! Often leading you to ask yourself the dreaded question again that you thought you knew the answer to when you were going through the ‘growth sequence.’ WHO AM I? Wow, this again! What gives? I thought I had my life figured out.
Let me ask you a couple of questions Divas
- Are you unsure of your purpose in life?
- Do you feel you do not know who you really are?
Ladies if your answer to these questions is yes, it is quite likely that you are experiencing an identity crisis.
Did you know eight crisis stages make up the identity crisis origin?
According to Erikson, we have specific tasks to accomplish at every stage of our lives. We must overcome them and solve certain conflicts particular to each age. Resolving initial disputes is necessary to ensure the individual can master and resolve the identity crisis and the challenges that accompany it.
The first crisis (0-1 years)
The first crisis occurs from birth until the age of one usually referred to as “trust versus mistrust.” It is the time when babies depend on the ones around them. At this stage, a sense of trust versus mistrust is formed, depending on the care and love received.
Appropriate satisfaction of the baby’s needs at this stage will lead to the development of a confident attitude towards the environment. On the other hand, if parents do not satisfy the proper existential needs of the baby, a sense of distrust and insecurity will develop.
The second crisis (1-3 years)
The second crisis occurs in young childhood, 1-3 years old, known as “autonomy versus doubt.” It is the stage in which the feeling of autonomy, self-confidence develops, and when the child wants to do a series of activities.
Parents’ encouragement and support will enhance the child’s safety and self-confidence. If the parents discourage and ridicule the child, they will prevent the development of self-confidence, making the child shy and reluctant.
The third crisis (3-6 years)
The third crisis occurs in middle childhood, between 3-6 years old, also referred to as the “initiative versus culpability.” It is the stage in which the child begins to explore, discover new motor skills, interact more with others around, etc.
The fourth crisis (6-12 years)
The fourth crisis occurs between 6-12 years old known as “competence vs. inferiority.” It is the stage where the child acquires knowledge and skills predominantly at school.
At the beginning of the school, parents tend to compare their child to others, which can lead to the development of a sense of inferiority. This is because the child will feel that s/he will never meet their parents’ expectations.
On the other hand, appropriate support from teachers and parents will lead to the development of a sense of competence and confidence in one own’s abilities.
The fifth crisis (12-20 years)
The fifth crisis occurs between 12 and 20 years old, known as “identity versus confusion of the role.” It is the stage in which adolescents seek to develop their own personal and professional identity and also form specific sexual behaviors.
Adolescents seek to engage in different roles but don’t stay in anyone. It is when the person is particularly interested to find an answer to the question, “Who am I?” A person wants to have an initiative, but they often feel disturbed by the limits imposed by their parents.
The educational goal of this stage is to build a person’s autonomy by granting independence, which should be somewhat controlled.
The sixth crisis (20-35 years)
The sixth crisis, occurring during young adulthood, between 20-30/35 years, refers to “intimacy versus isolation.”
Priority in this period is love and relationships, the young adult looking for a life partner. Everyone has an effective and sexual need, and a lack of satisfaction leads to social isolation.
The seventh crisis (35-65 years)
This is us…not the hit television show but the stage of life that we are in ladies.
The seventh crisis, occurring in the adult age, 35-65 years, refers to “productivity versus stagnation.” At this time, the emphasis is on the need for the adult to be productive and succeed professionally. It is also about starting a family through the desire to have children.
It is the period in which the person feels the need to share the gained experience with others. If these needs are not met, and there is no one to share the accumulated knowledge with, the adult goes through the crisis of stagnation where the personal growth stops.
The eighth crisis (>65 years)
The eighth crisis, occurring in old age, at the age of 65, refers to “psychic integrity vs. despair.” It is the stage in which the person begins to evaluate their achievements throughout their life.
If there is a thank-you to everything they have done, they experience a sense of satisfaction for their own life and accept the closeness of the end, thus achieving intellectual integrity.
It is a difficult time because after the age of 65, with retirement, both the professional and the parental roles disappear.
A person’s children have a life of their own, the death of the life partner may occur. All this means that a person may have multiple questions about the role of their existence, which may lead to the fear of death.
5 Signs That You Are Experiencing an Identity Crisis
1. Changes at the Physical Level
Profound fatigue, low energy levels, breathing & cardiac dysfunctions, lack of strength in 
the arms, palms, and legs. Some burning sensations, a high temperature in some areas of the body, pain in the back area of the neck, shoulders, or spine.
These signs do not occur all at the same time, and we do not have to experience all of these sensations. They are signs of profound internal transformations at cellular and DNA levels.
2. Emotional Insecurity
Anxiety and depression may appear as a result of your lack of confidence in your abilities. You no longer recognize yourself and wish to redefine who you are and/or your journey.
3. Regrets
You may feel that you have not done everything you wanted or you feel restricted by your circumstances. For this reason, you may feel that you are stuck in life or there is an empty space in your life.
4. Doubting Your Own System of Values
Due to your insecurities, you start wondering if your beliefs are holding you back from developing or becoming the person you dream of being. You question your passions, your plans, your thoughts, trying to understand what really prevents you from being happier.
5. Desperate Need of Stability
This desire of reinventing yourself makes you feel restless. Hence you wish to find the answer ASAP and re-create a balance in your life as the inner turmoil exhausts you.
Why Is It OK to Have an Identity Crisis?
Having a million questions and doubts about yourself or life is not fun. All you knew before seems to fade away, and the uncertainty of the future is only increasing your anxiety or fear.
But let’s look at the bright side of it: you are becoming a new person! All these challenges and “thirst” for answers are only aiming to open new doors, new adventures and certainly create a new YOU! So embrace it and patiently walk the path as you are just about to blossom!
Golden Divas, again I ask ‘Who Are You?’
It’s time to unveil the MASK!!!
https://www.learning-mind.com/identity-crisis-signs-stages/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201203/are-you-having-identity-crisis