R-E-S-P-E-C-T

A Woman’s Worth!

Hello Golden Divas!

I am so happy to kick off the New Year with the subject about ‘Dating In Your  Fifties!’ No matter your age ladies when it comes to dating there are (3) songs that have become a girl anthem over the years, and when you’re in your fifties in the dating world, you live and breathe the message that these songs are conveying. 

Alicia Keys tells us that ‘A real man knows a real woman when he sees her and he can’t deny a real woman’s worth’ in her song ‘A Woman’s Worth!’

Beyonce tells us ‘If you like it then you should have put a ring on it,’ in ‘All The Single Ladies!’

Aretha Franklin ‘The Queen of Soul’ told us many, many years ago ‘All I’m asking for is a little respect in the anthem of all songs in ‘RESPECT!’ 

Let’s face it and keep it real here at Club Fifty the golden years of dating can be just as complicated as it was when we were in our 20s and 30s. However, these (3) songs are more than just lyrics by some beautiful, talented singers they should be a rule of thumb of what we measure our beliefs and standards by especially when we are dating in today’s world.

Ladies, you know dating can be either a pleasant subject or a sore one for so many women primarily over 50 seeking to find the right man; which sometimes make us feel that the clock is running out on us finding happiness; especially when the odds are stacked up against us. Unfortunately, some of these odds mean competing with younger women and the three god forbidden truths; either he is married, in jail or unemployed (now that’s a topic for another day). 

The dating scene in your fifties can be a roller coaster ride, with highs and lows of getting to know someone. Ladies, whether you’re taking advantage of the online dating apps or meeting someone the old fashion way in person at church, birthday parties, happy hour, volunteering, taking a class or dare I say it getting set up by your family and friends you should never lose sight of your true self. 

One thing for sure with all of the dating apps out there one has to wonder if they meet a man is he sincere about himself as we are with ourselves. Or do we have to sacrifice our values to have a man in our life? You know my answer to that Divas…’NO!’  However, whatever your preference for dating in your fifties you are the one in the driving seat to make it happen!

This leads me to the lady of the hour at Club Fifty, a lady I had the pleasure of meeting  through a mutual friend at ‘The greatest church in the world New Faith Baptist Church International’ (shameless plug) and in our brief encounter, her life story intrigued me to the point that I wanted her to be my first ‘Golden Diva Interview’ of 2019. This beautiful soul just recently turned 50 so welcome to the club girl and ladies she is a very authentic diva who knows her (woman worth) and is holding on to her principles and standards when it comes to dating in today’s society. She is a single lady who is dating with a purpose, ‘To Marry’  (put a ring on it) This new ‘Golden Diva’ is true to herself and will not be sending any representatives on her dates because she is bringing her ‘Best Self’ to the dating game. I will like to introduce to some and reacquaint to others the lovely Beverly Moore a woman who I admire and RESPECT!   

But first, reacquaint yourselves with the song that launched women empowerment by Aretha Franklin. 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Let’s find out what it means to Beverly Moore!

BEVERLY MOORE

Meet Beverly Moore a recently minted 50-year-old. She is single, never married with no children. Beverly is a seasoned marketing communication professional with more than 15 years of experience working on some of the world’s most recognized brands. She is currently a Communications Specialist with the American Institutes for Research (AIR). AIR is one of the world’s largest behavioral and social science research, evaluation and technical assistance nonprofit organizations. Beverly lends her marketing communication expertise to building The District and School Improvement Center for AIR where they partner with education leaders to transform struggling schools. 

In her spare time, she enjoys working out (spinning, boot camp, boxing, or participating in 5k events), reading to stay on top of her profession, writing and consulting, dining out with friends, catching a good movie, or being involved in her community. Beverly is a member at New Faith Baptist Church International under the leadership of Rev. Drs. Trunell and Alexis Felder. She is a minister, an ordained deacon, Christian educator as well as a freelance writer for Urban Ministries Inc.

IN CONVERSATION WITH BEVERLY MOORE

C50: Have you ever considered online dating?

BM: I have posted my profile on a couple of online dating sites, but I didn’t connect with anyone, so it wasn’t for me. I know of others who have had success. I don’t knock it at all, based on how we communicate in this day and age, it’s no different than being out and about meeting people.

C50: If so do you think modern day dating is trickier with all of the apps or easier?

BM: I definitely think modern dating is trickier because you really have to be discerning. You hope that men are being authentic and I am sure they have the same concerns about women. I am particularly concerned about the stories I have heard of married men who troll the dating sites and apps that’s not cool!

 C50: What are some of your concerns about dating in your fifties?

BM: At this age, we all come with some level of experience (or baggage), I am concerned about a brother’s intention and purpose for dating. I have never been married, and I do desire to marry. I don’t have time to waste on someone who never intends to marry. I have dated commitment-phobes (men who fear commitment) before and it is fruitless to my end goal of marriage, but they make great friends. As I date, I also listen for what a man has learned from his past relationship experiences and how did it make him better. A man unwilling to do self-examination is not able to fully invest in the health of the relationship. 

C50: Is age and race a factor while seeking to date?

BM: Age is a factor but not just chronological age but mental and emotional maturity; how he handles life and what is his anchor. I am open to dating outside my race, but my preference is a strong Black man, there is no comparison. I look for the qualities of my Dad in a man. My Dad is a great husband, father, priest, and protector. I may be 50, but he still has to get past my Dad.

C50: They say women are more confident in their fifties when it comes to dating, with that being said, would you ever ask a man out on a date?

BM: I have and I would get things started but I am old-fashioned, and I believe in a man being a man. So I don’t mind taking the initiative to let a man know that I am interested or even to ask out for an initial outing, but I also believe in God’s order of things, and I know men still appreciate a good chase.

C50: Do you feel that it is necessary to be upfront about your dating expectations at the beginning of your relationship? Or do you think you should wait a few months?

BM: Open and honest conversation is necessary every step of the way, but there is a way to deliver key messages without coming off too demanding. Every woman should have high standards and communicate them, but I don’t think it is wise to unload on the first date. I think in the first few weeks/months you should ask probing questions do a lot of listening and observing.

C50: Is it hard to stay positive in dating while some view the picking to be very slim on the other side of 50?

BM: It can be discouraging at times, no doubt, especially for someone like me who has never been married, but it has caused me to focus on me to make sure I am my best self. It is an ongoing process, and I remain hopeful because I know God has a plan. In the meantime, I cheer my sisters on who have found love because as my pastor said blessings come in bunches. I believe God for my blessing and I look forward to being his blessing.

C50: What is one of your deal breakers when it comes to dating when you’re older?

BM: For me, a major deal breaker is dating someone who does not share my faith. My relationship with the Lord is paramount to my life. There is a reason the Apostle Paul warns not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever; an unbeliever does not handle life the same way. Prayer, standing on God’s word, having the same value system in enduring life, is critical to a successful relationship. Merging two lives is hard enough, marriage is not a cakewalk, and a couple has to have the right foundation in Christ to make it. I have had unsaved men say to me that I will remain alone because of my stance, I am willing to take that chance to obey God.

 C50: What would you do differently in your 50’s that you didn’t do when you were younger?

BM: In my 20s I was not confident and didn’t know my worth, so I ended up in some bad relationships. Now I know my worth, and at this point, I refuse to waste time in unfruitful relationships. I had a tendency of staying in relationships too long trying to make things work because I really wanted to be with someone. I release my marital status to the Lord. As mentioned, I celebrate with my sisters who have found love, and I praise God that He knows what is best for me. The Lord gave me a word late last year when “you step back I step in,” and that settled it for me, I trust God’s timing and rest in His love.

C50: As a mature woman how long would you date if you are interested in getting married?

BM: Truthfully, I don’t think it takes long to figure out if a relationship works if both people are being forthright in their presentation. I am my true self I do not send a representative in dating. I am not perfect, and I am still growing. The big question is how does that man fit into my life, how do I fit into his and how can we best merge our lives? If a man is willing to do the work and be consistent in making the relationship work, I think we can figure out if we are viable for marriage in a year. The key is if he comes into the relationship looking for a life partner or is he just playing around. I appreciate men who are honest about where they are emotionally. 

Bonus Question

C50: What advice would you give to another single woman in her fifties about dating?     

BM: As a dear friend of mine told me “dust settles…you don’t!” Know your worth don’t settle for being treated anything less than what you deserve as a daughter of a King! God is faithful, trust His faithfulness.

C50: There you have it Golden Divas Beverly has kept is real on the dating scene and she definitely knows her woman’s worth. I truly admire a woman who will not settle for the sake of having a man and a woman who is willing to stay true to her beliefs with the Lord. Thank you Beverly for kicking off this new year with Club Fifty and allowing me to interview you regarding the topic: ‘Dating In Your Fifties!’