Risa Jenkins

This is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

 Domestic Violence is a very important discussion because it brings to the forefront domestic violence’s horrific repercussions should not!

October was first declared as National Domestic Violence Awareness Month in 1987. In 1989 Congress passed Public Law 101-112, officially designating October of that year as National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Such legislation has been given each year since. 

Since then, October has been a time to acknowledge domestic violence survivors and be a voice for its victims. In addition, it connects and unites individuals and organizations working on domestic violence issues while raising awareness for those issues. Such organizations like ‘Rhianna’s Treasured Gifts!’

Domestic Violence is prevalent in every community and affects everyone regardless of age, socio-economic status, sexual orientation, gender, race, religion, or nationality. Physical violence is often accompanied by emotionally abusive and controlling behavior as part of a much larger, systematic pattern of dominance and control. Domestic Violence can result in physical injury, psychological trauma, and even death. The devastating consequences of domestic violence can cross generations and last a lifetime.

Although there has been substantial progress in reducing domestic Violence, an average of 20 people are physically abused by intimate partners every minute. This equates to more than 10 million abuse victims annually. In addition, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been physically abused by an intimate partner, and 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men have been severely physically abused by an intimate partner. As a result, millions of Americans live in daily, silent fear within their homes. 

In addition, every year, millions of children are exposed to domestic violence. Domestic violence incidents affect every person within a home and can have long-lasting adverse effects on children’s emotional well-being and social and academic functioning.

Over the past 30+ years, much progress has been made to support domestic violence victims and survivors, to hold abusers accountable, and to create and update legislation to further those goals. Purple is the color that represents the involvement of Domestic Violence. Purple for a purpose! ‘Stop the Silence,’ and increase community support for battered women. 

Let me make this very clear! One out of every three women will be abused at some point. And auto accidents combined. A woman is more likely to be killed by a male partner (or former partner) than any other person. About 4,000 women die each year due to domestic Violence.

FACTS YOU SHOULD KNOW!

PEOPLE WHO ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WILL STAY WITH THEIR PARTNER FOR SEVERAL REASONS:

• Their self-esteem is destroyed, and they are made to feel they will never be able to find another person to be with.
• The cycle of abuse, meaning the ‘honeymoon phase’ that follows physical and mental abuse, makes them believe their partner is sorry and loves them.
• It’s dangerous to leave. According to the Domestic Violence Intervention program, women are 70 times more likely to be killed in the weeks after leaving their abusive partner than at any other time in the relationship.
• Statistics suggest that almost 5 percent of male homicide victims each year are killed by an intimate partner.
• They feel personally responsible for their partner or their own behavior. They are made to feel like everything that goes wrong is their fault.
• They share a life. Marriages, children, homes, pets, and finances are big reasons abuse victims feel they can’t leave.

HOW TO OBSERVE

Use #DomesticViolenceAwareness to post on social media. Sometimes, people don’t know if they are in an abusive relationship because they’re used to their partner calling them crazy or making them feel like all the problems are their own fault. Here are a few ways to know if you’re in an abusive relationship that you need to get out of.

1. Your partner has hit you, beat you, or strangled you in the past.
2. Your partner is possessive. They check up on you constantly, wondering where you are; they get mad at you for hanging out with certain people if you don’t do what they say.
3. Your partner is jealous. (A small amount of jealousy is normal and healthy) however, if they accuse you of being unfaithful or isolate you from family or friends, that means the jealousy has gone too far.
4. Your partner puts you down. They attack your intelligence, looks, mental health, or capabilities. They blame you for all of their violent outbursts and tell you nobody else will want you if you leave.
5. Your partner threatens you or your family.
6. Your partner physically and sexually abuses you. If they EVER push, shove, or hit you or make you have sex with them when you don’t want to, they abuse you (even if it doesn’t happen all the time.)
7. Your partner has a chronic drug and alcohol problem, and abuse escalates into arguments which escalate into Violence.
8. Your partner has untreated mental health issues—depression and preoccupation with suicide.

Golden Divas, if you have ever been abused or know someone involved in domestic violence, this post will give you hope and let you know you’re never alone.

Domestic Violence is never an easy topic to discuss; however, God has sent two beautiful, brave, resilient women my way that allowed me to share their stories.

The first relentless young lady is the unconquerable Lisa Jenkins, the creator of The SlipOut App; if you haven’t already, you can read her journey at http://theclubfifty.com/lisa-r-jenkins/.

Lisa helps many women get out of their abusive relationships with her app. You can find it at your Play Store on your phone, Android and Iphones have it. 

Risa Jenkins (no relation to Lisa Jenkins), sisters bonded by their purpose, is my Golden Diva for this month at Club Fifty. Risa helps women, men, and children with donation drives for families in crisis with her organization Rhianna’s Treasured Gifts!

Both women are SURVIVORS of Domestic Violence and have not let what happened to them make them bitter but stronger and better.

I thank God for their resilience and heart to help other women see the light at the end of the tunnel when they feel that there is no hope. 

You can catch both of these beautiful souls, Lisa Jenkins every 2nd Tuesday, and Risa Jenkins every 3rd Tuesday at 7:15 pm on our radio show, Let’s Stay Together Talk, at www.soarradio.com or Listen Live on Facebook on our Let’s Stay Together Talk page.  

Without further ado, Club Fifty welcomes the woman with a passion and purpose to help others, the CEO and Founder of Rhianna’s Treasured Gifts, Risa Jenkins. Her journey is unparalleled, her backstory is noteworthy, and her purpose is powerful and extraordinary as she continues to help other women on their journey to ‘RISE UP’ after being exposed to Domestic Violence!

MEET RISA JENKINS

C50: What risks did you take to protect yourself and your daughter from escaping domestic violence? 

RJ: I risked everything! My freedom, contentment, security, and comfort in my life. Our escape wasn’t like my previous one when I physically ran to get away, but this struggle felt bigger. It was a mindset change. I had to choose if this cycle would continue or when it would stop. It literally was no other options. When I mentioned my freedom – I was in “fight or flight” mode, and I knew that once I realized my life was worth fighting for, no one else would have the ability to make me feel less valued. So if I had to die trying to protect my peace or if I had to do time because I had to defend myself or my daughter, I was willing to risk it all. Walking away from a situation that should have killed you suddenly reduces your security, comfort, or lifestyle. The only focus is to THRIVE after surviving. 

C50: Has it affected your self-esteem and future relationships as a woman in an abusive relationship? 

RJ: Tremendously!!! A version of who I was before today was a wounded warrior. I experienced abuse from my toddler years well on to my adult life. My self-esteem was damaged before I even understood the true definition of the word love. I was subjecting myself to chaos because it was the only way I knew how to function. As a woman who both genders have abused, I naturally went with the flow of societal norms and sought comfort in men. I’ve always had relations with women but never had a relationship with one. After experiencing so much pain, disappointment, abandonment, assaults, humiliation, and hate, I knew it was time for a change. 

My abuse allowed me to look at life from a different lens and embrace who I am wholehearted. For the first time, I loved “me” and, in doing so, found a shared love with someone special. Of course, we have challenges like most couples do, but the difference is we’re doing the HEART work. Healing, grounding ourselves, learning the lessons, and realizing pain are blessings because it’s a reminders that you’re not de-synthesized yet. 

C50: Risa, you have an 11-year-old. Has domestic violence affected your parenting of your daughter? 

RJ: DV indeed affects my parenting daily. I’m adamant about being the person I needed when I was her age. I see so much of myself in her, which is beautiful yet highly frightening. If I don’t stay on top of myself to always be loved in every instance, I wouldn’t be equipped to be the support I know she’ll need as she develops. Now that I have the tools, resources, connections, wisdom, and my village, my only job is to utilize it in every aspect. I value my baby’s opinion. It is mandatory that I tell her affirmations every Wednesday morning after prayer. It is a requirement that I present my best self when addressing her. 

For example, suppose I’m having a bad day. In that case, I must get back in alignment to receive her energy, be emotionally available, be mentally stable enough to hear her, and have an open heart to pour into her if needed. My actions influence her perspective, which is the reality. 

If her reality consists of nothing but positive energy, raw unconditional love, inspiration, and empowerment, then her universe will only present that to her world. Her experiences in life are a reflection of how she interacts with life. 

C50: What are the challenges and lessons learned throughout your journey? 

RJ: Every challenge is a lesson on your journey. Haha, it is that simple.

C50: Why did you decide to become an advocate for women who have made it out of their abuse? 

RJ: My first role in advocacy was actually with CASA. Being a court-appointed special advocate for children in DCFS was my passion because I could relate in many ways!! After my experience with abuse, my passion grew for not only women but everyone who experiences abuse. Now we have a shared story with shared experiences, but now I have a way out. Now I have resources to help the process go smoothly. Now I am proof that there is SUCCESS after DESTRUCTION.  

C50: Risa, please share with our readers how you went from pain to purpose, from surviving to thriving after abuse. 

RJ: Seeing the pain in my daughter’s eyes was the highlight I needed to accomplish my purpose. I didn’t have to find my purpose; it was given to me. I just mishandled the packaging by not being honest with myself and holding myself accountable. I thrive on sharing my story of survival. I know anecdotes are transformational, and it’s unfair to bite my tongue after all that I’ve been party to. 

C50: Talk to us about Rhianna’s Treasured Gifts.

RJ: The name of the organization is in honor of my daughter. At age six, she desired to be an advocate and respond to others like her in crisis. I had no idea HOW I would pull it off but knew I had a mission. You see, God spoke to me through her. The way she laid out the blueprint, the way she articulated her vision, and the way she expressed her passion were SO REAL! It felt like my heart was speaking out loud for the first time. I didn’t know where to start, so I hesitated in my actions. Finally, God put me in a position where I had no choice but to sit down, focus and get to work. 

My daughter’s name is Rhianna which means great Queen. So when it came to naming the organization, It was a no-brainer on what to call it. Rhianna is my gift from God, LITERALLY!! (After being told I was baron, I found out on Valentine’s Day in 2011 that I was pregnant.) her insight on what to do was another gift. 

Rhianna’s Treasured Gifts is a 501 c3 nonprofit organization. We host donation drives for our families in crisis. In addition, we host fundraisers as well as have a mentoring group called Breakthrough that we facilitate through high schools. 

C50: Share with us this therapeutic book ‘It’s Just Emotions,” a coloring book you co-authored with your beautiful daughter.

RJ: My baby girl is just like her mommy. Outgoing, adventurous, artistic, and creative. 

After our experience with the abuse, I noticed her behavior had changed. She developed PTSD and anxiety and tapped into her introverted side. Of course, we sought professional help, but it was as if she became stagnant in being closed off and a loner. So we did a deep dive of bonding as mother and daughter for 365 days without breaks. At that time, we developed a language of expression through drawings. 

However, we felt we drew about it and would fold it into origami and leave it in another’s space. After realizing that this could benefit others, my daughter selflessly agreed to organize the most thought-provoking emotions that she already drew out. We want children, parents, and even adults to understand the basic concept that emotions are just energy in motion. The quicker we grasp that concept, the easier it will be to start existing as we intended. Get to know yourself!

C50: Why did you decide to help DV survivors with donation drives?

RJ: Most survivors leave their situations with little to no help or just the clothes on their backs. I’ve been there, so I know the humiliation of asking for help and explaining your actions. It’s frightening to go in public and do essential shopping when you fear for your life and constantly look over your shoulder. Possibly transitioning from independent to dependent is a gut punch to the ego. The idea of being told “no” after mustering up all the strength or courage to ask initially is terrifying. So I, GET, ITTTT!!!! I hated that feeling so much. I’m the type of person that’s like, “If it’s in my control to change it, I will, and if it isn’t, God grant me the opportunity to be able.” 

C50: Risa, what is the one thing you would tell a woman who has experienced domestic violence?

RJ: Remember who you are. You keep waking up and surviving for a reason! Stop letting entities dim your light while destroying your dreams and killing your passions. Yes, it will hurt! Yes, it is scary! Yes, you will cry. Yes, you will doubt the process. Yes, you might think about going back. Yes, you still must fight back. GET OUT!!! This is NOT who you ARE. Just keep remembering your “why,” and if you don’t have one, FIND ONE NOW!! It would be best if you granted yourself the opportunity to try to find yourself before you lose yourself forever. 

**Bonus Question**

C50: Risa, how can people contact you if they want to donate to your drive?

RJ: You can contact me on all social platforms:

(FB,Twitter, IG, LinkedIn, Snapchat, Msgr) @rtgchicago

By email: rhiannastreasuredgifts@gmail.com

By phone/text: 708.713.6446 

Risa Jenkins| CEO & Founder|