Part 1: Toxic People

10 Types of Toxic Drainers

Hello, Golden Divas!

This week I would like to talk about a 2 part post: “Toxic People!” I personally try to avoid these people like the plague. Why, because life is too short! If you are not inspiring me during this stage in my life you are probably mentally and physically draining me. Since I’ve turned 50 my patience has grown very short for dealing with individuals who are self-centered, arrogant, and just downright ignorant.

The unfortunate part of that last sentence is that most toxic people are unaware of the negative impact they have on people or they simply just do not care. Whether, it’s their cruelty, the victim syndrome, or just plain craziness all of the time, these toxic people can drive your brain into a stressed-out state that should be avoided at all costs.

Now, I’m not trying to be harsh or anything but when I was younger I tolerated a lot of stuff from a lot of people, just like my girl Mary said in last week’s post about “Reinventing Yourself After 50” learn to say “NO!”

I have. I learned to say “NO” to people who obviously don’t respect me, who continuously create chaos in my life, who are takers, not givers, who pushed all of the wrong buttons, who caused stress in my life and people who are crazy because their behavior is so irrational. However, it has taken as you see quite a long time for me to say, 

“Enough is enough!” 

I have read that it’s often said that you’re the product of the five people you spend the most time with. If you allow even one of those five people to be toxic, you’ll soon find out how capable he or she is of holding you back.

I find this statement to be so true and disheartening because before I turned 50 I asked God for discernment and to show me the truth about the people who were in my life and He did. So not be very careful what you ask for because you just might get it.

In order for me to become the best individual I can be I need to associate myself with like-minded people. So I had to separate the wheat from the tear before I distanced myself from these people who were poisoning my soul and spirit.

Golden Divas I’m not just talking about the obnoxious, annoying or simply difficult ones, I’m talking about the truly toxic ones. You know the ones that I mentioned to you earlier that you should avoid like the plague.   

But…you have to first learn how to identify these individuals in your lives because they can be disguised as your friends, family members, or a relationship. I employ you even in your fifties to take heed to this because I promise you I am truly trying to live the best life I can on the other side of 50! 

DRAMA FREE!

Now, the trick is to understand the dynamics and the different types of toxic bloodsuckers that will drain you of all of your energy and time. Of course, if you’re into that type of relationship of having toxic people create unnecessary complexity, strife, and, worst of all, stress for you, more power to you and this post is not for you.

Seriously, ladies, we are too old for the unnecessary drama that toxic people cause in our lives. I remember in my early 20’s I had a friend that drained me mentally. She only wanted me to be around her, she didn’t connect with any of my other friends, and when she got mad of one of my friends (for whatever reason and it was always a reason) she didn’t want me to talk them anymore. This girl was very temperamental and she lost control of her emotions all the time.

BABY BYE!

Then there was a so-called friend in my latter years that literally blindsided me, she was a manipulator and very judgmental individual. It seems as though everyone had to live up to her standards in life.

HOW CRAZY WAS THAT?? 

I’ve had my full share of individuals on the list below that sucked the life out of me at times; however, I now know how to spot these toxic individuals out immediately. 

There are (10) types of toxic drainers that you should stay away from at all costs (only if I knew then) so that you don’t become one yourself.

1. The Gossip

“Great minds discuss ideas, average ones discuss events, and small minds discuss people.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Gossipers derive pleasure from other people’s misfortunes. It might be fun to peek into somebody else’s personal or professional faux pas at first, but over time, it gets tiring, makes you feel gross, and hurts other people. There are too many positives out there and too much to learn from interesting people to waste your time talking about the misfortune of others.

2. The Temperamental

Some people have absolutely no control over their emotions. They will lash out at you and project their feelings onto you, all the while thinking that you’re the one causing their malaise. Temperamental people are tough to dump from your life because of their lack of control over their emotions makes you feel bad for them. When push comes to shove though, temperamental people will use you as their emotional toilet and should be avoided at all costs.

3. The Victim

Victims are tough to identify because you initially empathize with their problems. But as time passes, you begin to realize that their “time of need” is all the time. Victims actively push away any personal responsibility by making every speed bump they encounter into an uncrossable mountain. They don’t see tough times as opportunities to learn and grow from; instead, they see them as an out. There’s an old saying: “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.” It perfectly captures the toxicity of the victim, who chooses to suffer every time.

4. The Self-Absorbed

Self-absorbed people bring you down through the impassionate distance they maintain from other people. You can usually tell when you’re hanging around self-absorbed people because you start to feel completely alone. This happens because as far as they’re concerned, there’s no point in having a real connection between them and anyone else. You’re merely a tool used to build their self-esteem.

5. The Envious

To envious people, the grass is always greener somewhere else. Even when something great happens to envious people, they don’t derive any satisfaction from it. This is because they measure their fortune against the world’s when they should be deriving their satisfaction from within. And let’s face it, there’s always someone out there who’s doing better if you look hard enough. Spending too much time around envious people is dangerous because they teach you to trivialize your own accomplishments. 

6. The Manipulator

Manipulators suck time and energy out of your life under the façade of friendship. They can be tricky to deal with because they treat you like a friend. They know what you like, what makes you happy, and what you think is funny, but the difference is that they use this information as part of a hidden agenda. Manipulators always want something from you, and if you look back on your relationships with them, it all takes, take, take, with little or no giving. They’ll do anything to win you over just so they can work you over.

Maintaining an emotional distance requires awareness. You can’t stop someone from pushing your buttons if you don’t recognize when it’s happening.

7. The Dementor

In J. K. Rowling’s “Harry Potter” series, Dementors are evil creatures that suck people’s souls out of their bodies, leaving them merely as shells of humans. Whenever a Dementor enters the room, it goes dark, people get cold, and they begin to recall their worst memories. Rowling said that she developed the concept for Dementors based on highly negative people—the kind of people who have the ability to walk into a room and instantly suck the life out of it.

Dementors suck the life out of the room by imposing their negativity and pessimism upon everyone they encounter. Their viewpoints are always glass half empty, and they can inject fear and concern into even the most benign situations. A Notre Dame University study found that students assigned to roommates who thought negatively were far more likely to develop negative thinking and even depression themselves.

8. The Twisted

There are certain toxic people who have bad intentions, deriving deep satisfaction from the pain and misery of others. They are either out to hurt you, to make you feel bad, or to get something from you; otherwise, they have no interest in you. The only good thing about this type is that you can spot their intentions quickly, which makes it that much faster to get them out of your life.

9. The Judgmental

Judgmental people are quick to tell you exactly what is and isn’t cool. They have a way of taking the thing you’re most passionate about and making you feel terrible about it. Instead of appreciating and learning from people who are different from them, judgmental people look down on others. Judgmental people stifle your desire to be a passionate, expressive person, so you’re best off cutting them out and being yourself.

10. The Arrogant

Arrogant people are a waste of your time because they see everything you do as a personal challenge. Arrogance is false confidence, and it always masks major insecurities. A University of Akron study found that arrogance is correlated with a slew of problems in the workplace. Arrogant people tend to be lower performers, more disagreeable, and have more cognitive problems than the average person.

Again I say watch out for these types of individuals they are like leeches, sucking and draining your energy and time!  

Just recently I watched a video with Pastor T.D. Jakes talking about “3 Types of Friends” if you haven’t watched it I employ you to do so. Just like toxic people T.D. Jakes took it further with the brake down of the “Confidant, Constituent and Comrades!” 

https://youtu.be/W8NLOKIOc1l

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8NLOKlOc1I

Next week Club Fifty will talk about “How To Handle A Toxic Person!”

Golden Diva’s what type of friend are you and have you experienced any of those toxic individuals in your life?

Sources:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/10-toxic-people-you-should-avoid-like-the-plague_us_591344f2e4b07e366cebb80