Happy Wednesday, Golden Divas!

Today’s topic at Club Fifty is a heavy one but a much-needed one in our community. C50 is talking about ‘Domestic Violence!’ Although awareness month is in October, after interviewing this beautiful soul on our radio show ‘Let’s Stay Together Talk’ last month, I had to introduce her to my ‘Golden Divas’ at Club Fifty!

Ladies, we all know this is a topic that most women seem to keep very quiet; however, we are continuing by ‘Breaking The Silence’ to talk about it so that ‘NO WOMAN‘ will ever feel alone. 

So many women go through this horrific experience alone and broken, too afraid to speak up and confront their abuser for many reasons. However, this interview is not to shame or bash any woman who has survived their abuser or succumbed to their many controlling tactics. 

Golden Divas, this interview is about getting help and knowing that ‘YES’ we are all in this together, whether we have experienced some form of abuse or not!

My next guest is a woman you should know. She is a survivor of domestic violence and uses her platform to speak out and help other women who feel trapped in abusive relationships. She turned her pain into purpose, and she is graciously fulfilling her assignment. This ‘BRILLIANT’ woman is a godsend to so many women.  She is the creator/developer of “The Slipout.” She created this app to help other women get out of abusive relationships. The app is available at Apple stores & Google play. This device speaks volumes without saying one word. 

With no further ado, I will like to introduce you to this powerhouse, a woman on a mission to change the lives of other women. 

After reading this interview, share it so that we can continue to get the word out about how a woman can get out of an abusive relationship. Then, download the app, and share the information with your family and friends.

During a very long and dark patch, I tiptoed through life. Now, I walk boldly in my purpose.

MEET LISA R. JENKINS

Lisa R. Jenkins is the founder and CEO of KRA Communications, a firm that specializes in Public Relations. KRA also advocates for Domestic Violence, ending toxic relationships through self-help books, and is dedicated to helping victims escape through her worldwide mobile app The Slipout, and The Slipout Domestic Violence Advocacy Deck.

After personally navigating growing up in a toxic household, domestic violence, and an intimately personal journey through Endometriosis and then Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lisa possesses the unique ability to service those dealing with similar traumatic experiences. She understands how Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) and generational curses create broken children and adolescents who develop into broken adults.

Through her pen and voice, Lisa strives to be a resource to those who have been silenced by fear. She has discovered the importance of living a fulfilling and purposeful life through her seven books to date, How to Get the F#@% Out (Under the pseudonym Skylar James), A Mother’s Love Through A Broken Heart, How to Identify Four Common Generational Curses (eBook), and Broken Pieces Made Whole (the book and workbook), 17 Steps to Creating Your Own App (eBook), and Conversations with a Narcissist. 

 Lisa is currently a graduate student pursuing a Master of Science degree in Mental Health Counseling. She also holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Journalism from Chicago State University and a Professional Studies Certificate in Public Relations in the Digital World from Loyola University at Chicago.  

SHE’S A SURVIVOR!!!!

IN CONVERSATION WITH LISA R. JENKINS

I have been told by multiple people who knew me then and knew the new Lisa that my eyes were dead back then, and now they glow.

C50: Lisa, explain to us what exactly is domestic violence?

 LRJ: Domestic violence (also referred to as intimate partner violence (IPV), dating abuse, or relationship abuse) is any pattern of behaviors (including name-calling, isolation, prevented from having access to daily necessities) used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship. In some instances, but not all, emotional or mental abuse starts before physical abuse.

 C50: What are the effects of domestic violence?

LRJ: Domestic violence affects one’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and can significantly impact mental stability. For example, being abused can cause anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and depression symptoms commonly observed among domestic violence survivors.

I have been told by multiple people who knew me then and knew the new Lisa that my eyes were dead back then, and now they glow.

C50: What causes domestic violence?

LRJ: The saying ‘hurt people, hurt people” is very accurate when it comes to abuse. Abusers use domestic violence to gain power and control over their targets. Domestic violence is a choice on the part of the abuser. However, certain underlying factors can contribute to a person’s propensity for abuse, including experiencing childhood trauma/ Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE’s), holding specific belief systems about hierarchy and domination, or witnessing domestic violence as a child.

 C50: Who is most susceptible to domestic violence?

LRJ: There is no handbook for who will or will not abuse or be abused. People from a healthy two-parent household can become abuse victims, just as those from single-parent homes can. 

Statistics will show that those who did not have a father are more likely to abuse. However, I wouldn’t say I like to deal in statistics because no two situations are the same.

 C50: What are the different types of violence?

LRJ: Physical, mental, emotional, sexual, spiritual, and financial. 

C50: Talk to us about being a survivor of domestic violence!

LRJ: When I met my ex, I was 19, and he was 23. He initially told me he was 19 as well. I didn’t know then that was a red flag. I had just graduated high school four months prior, and I was working full-time. 

The emotional/mental abuse started almost immediately. Due to a dysfunctional relationship with my mother, I was a broken adult, so although I wouldn’t say I liked his behavior, I did not realize at the time how it was further causing me damage. 

I stayed after the first and only black eye a year later because I hit him back, so I didn’t realize I had just been physically abused. I went to the ER and had my scar stitched up and never looked at that scar again while lying to everyone about what happened. Of course, they all knew I was lying, but no one challenged me further. That was the last act of physical abuse, maybe because he knew I would fight back. Abusers don’t like victims who fight back because they know they don’t have the complete control they crave. 

“With pain comes strength, with strength, comes peace.”

I focused on ending the generational curse of dysfunctional motherhood that I put my feelings on the back burner. Then, as my daughter got older, I began to focus on myself. And that is when I realized how miserable I had been all those years and started loving myself, and decided I no longer wanted to be in that environment. Around that time, domestic violence was in the news more and more, so I knew my daughter, and I could not just leave. 

I knew we had one chance to get out with our life, so I had to give it my all. 

Fast forward about two years. Amid my healing, my best friend told me that I should write a book detailing my steps to help other victims escape. Meaning telling the entire world about my trauma and healing was never something I planned. I, however, learned that my life was spared for a reason. It was to help save others as well. I have a motto that is tattooed on my left arm. It reads, “With pain comes strength, with strength, comes peace.” It means that my purpose is more significant than my pain. So although it is sometimes painful to talk about, I have to talk about it to change the domestic violence narrative. 

I created the app and the deck because domestic violence can be challenging to talk about and hazardous to prevent.

C50: How did you become the Slipout App Developer and The Domestic Violence Advocacy Deck Creator?

LRJ: When you are faced with something as uniquely devastating as domestic violence, you have to get creative about the escape and raise awareness. 

I created the app and the deck because domestic violence can be challenging to talk about and hazardous to prevent. Both allow you to share information without saying a word. 

Someone who bought my deck told me that she witnessed a young lady being abused in the grocery store by her boyfriend one day. She saw the young lady in an aisle alone, and she handed her one of the deck cards and her business card (she sells beauty products). The young lady looked at the deck card, dropped it on the floor, and walked off. 

That young lady contacted the woman months later, saying she used the app information to get out and was now safe. This is why I created the deck and app. 

C50: The Slipout App is designed for iPhones and Ipads. Is there a way that Android users can gain access?

LRJ: The Slipout app is available to BOTH Apple and Android users for free. Since its launch on September 25, 2020, The Slip out app has been downloaded in 45 countries more than 5,300 times.

C50: Talk to us about why this is a must-have app for any woman or man in an abusive relationship?

LRJ: The Slip out app is a must-have for any man or woman in an abusive relationship because it walks you through every step of your escape and the ongoing healing process. 

I thought once I was physically safe that I was healed. That was the furthest thing from the truth. It has been eight years for me, and I am still recovering some areas of myself. But I have achieved peace and will never allow another person to take that away from me. 

It starts with the decision.

C50: What are the steps that an individual can take to change their lives?

LRJ: It starts with the decision. Planning a silent yet safe exit from an abusive relationship is a very necessary and important step when breaking ties with your abuser.

The decision is not something you can make with an audience. However, you are the only one who has lived the abuse, so you are the only one who can escape it.

As GO DAY nears, you will be a ball of nerves. You will second-guess yourself, try to justify why you should stay, and even try to convince yourself that the abuse is not that bad. It is, however, THAT BAD! I know how you feel. I was once in those same shoes.

Your mind and soul know you deserve better, but your emotions refuse to read the memo. It is okay. You have come this far, so you can make it the rest of the way. All the other survivors across the world and I are sending you love and strength as you Get the F#@% Out with your life and start over.

Bonus Question

 C50: Lisa, can you tell us how someone can connect with you. 

LRJ: For domestic violence-related issues, you can contact me anonymously through the app; 

on Facebook @ theslipoutapp; on Instagram @theslipout; or email at theslippingout@gmail.com.

If you are looking for Public Relations services, please visit www.lisarjenkins.com or email me at info@lisarjenkins.com. 

C50: There you have it Golden Divas, the brave and beautiful Lisa R. Jenkins sharing her journey. Thank you Lisa for creating a very useful tool to help so many women. 

Again if you know of anyone that is in need of help and trying to get out Lisa is here to help. You can also contact 1800-799-SAFE (7233).