Who Let The Cat Out?

Hello ‘Golden Divas’ this post is a little different from all of my other posts, nonetheless, there’s some great information in this post to read. Today let’s discuss an animalistic word in our “Dating in Your Fifties” category.

“COUGAR!”

This one word stirred up many conversations and launched many debates to a woman’s dating preference to why would she date a younger man? Hummm….but as you know the question NEVER comes up to why a man would date a younger woman. Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with a woman dating a younger man if she is single and I know some of you Golden Divas still have what it takes to date one if you so desire, without the negative undertone of what society describes as a Cougar.

Oh….but keep reading things has changed when it comes to that seductive word and what it really means for a woman over 40 to be called a “Cougar!” 

Recently I was approached by an attractive man that I was at least 10 years or more his senior.  He said to me, “If you weren’t married you will be a cougar.” My first thought was how does this man know I am married? And my second thought was what would make him think I would be interested in a younger man if I wasn’t married.

Anyway, after the initial shock of him complimenting me (I think) I followed his eyes as they glanced down at my left hand looking at my ring. At first, I didn’t know whether to be offended or happy to what he just told me; either way I blushed when he left my eyesight. This little encounter boosted my morale and got me to thinking that the topic of being a Cougar would make a great post. So here you go…

Although I have been out of the dating game for 25 years (two years of dating) before I tied the knot it was refreshing to know that I am still attractive in the eyes of another; however the only eyes I love roaming all over me from head to toe is from my husband Ricardo. 

Now, as I said before this cougar phenomenon is quite interesting even though there are some double standard issues going on. We will talk more about that a little later in the post.

For now, I want to state that there are so many attractive ‘Golden Divas’ out here that are defying their ages. Some young men may find it very hard that these ‘Golden Divas’ are not their age; whether they are in their fifties or beyond I bet 1 out of 4 of them are getting approached from a younger suitor because they look fabulous for their age.

I also believe that 1 out of 4 women is willing to date men that are younger than them. Believe me, I’m not talking about boys that are in their 20’s but men who are in their late 30’s and early 40’s. Young men with quality dating substances, not ‘BOY TOYS!’ 

And yes there are plenty of men out there as well waiting to date an older woman, because one thing for sure, however, is not in doubt: Cougars are on the prowl!

Let’s talk about the word “COUGAR!”

Ahhhhh…the word that can mean so much and so little at the same time, the word that propels, women into another dating stratosphere and at the same time take them down to their lowest point. You know, the stares, she looks too old to be dating him, is that his mother? She must be desperate! She needs to stop preying on young men. 

Unfortunately, this is what women hear when they are dating out of their age bracket. That double standard I was telling you about earlier in the post is still alive and well. Men can be in their 80’s and date a woman, in this case, marry a woman in her 20’s (Anna Nicole Smith 26 years old to be exact and J. Howard Marshall II 89 years old) and no one will say a word to the man, they might call her a gold digger, but he will get a pat on the back.    

My point, double standard, so let’s go back to that lovely word (cougar) to be a mature woman and still attractive enough to have the attention of a younger man in your fifties (if you desire one) is a flattering thing. Or you may not be a fan of the word “cougar” because it’s used, for the most part, to try to humiliate women who date younger men (their “prey,” known as cubs)…but that is changing.

However, it totally depends on how you view a cougar in today’s society and for better or worse, it’s in the dictionary which means that the idea that older women (Golden Divas) can still be sexy and sexual because you still have it going on does not make cougar a bad word.  

So what exactly is a ‘Cougar?

I’m glad you asked? Let’s do the breakdown to what constitutes a Cougar.

“Cougars” are popularly defined as women in their 40s (or older) who date significantly younger men, generally at a 10-year age gap or more. Pop culture paints the cougar as using the same predatory sexual techniques as men, including focusing on members of the opposite sex who are much younger than she is.

PC also see Cougars as pathetically desperate, but women have recently begun fighting the stereotype: real Cougars, they argue, are confident, successful, single women over the age of 40, who are tired of unromantic and narrow-minded men their own age, so they date younger, more active and more adventurous men. 

Now…real Cougars also see themselves as objects of empowering modern feminism, despite what others see them as, an example of misogynistic male fantasies. Lastly, to others, Cougars are simply titillating.  

Unfortunately, some websites and women and men would have you believe that there are specific types of Cougars:

• The moneyed cougar (or sugar mama)
• The angry cougar
• The sweet cougar
• Alpha versus Beta Cougars

Don’t get me wrong there are so many definitions of what society considers as a cougar and unfortunately, the first part of the definition usually is the debatable one in the description. Now I must admit once upon a time when the name “cougar” was even mentioned it was quickly and shamefully equated with a woman being on the prowl in bars desperately seeking sexual gratification from younger men. The stigma behind the name was always negative; however fast-forwarding to 2017 and for the sake of this Club Fifty post for my lovely Golden Diva’s the word ‘Cougar’ has a whole new meaning….so keep on reading ladies.

As you can see the description starts off kind of harsh describing a ‘Cougar’ however in today’s standards we are going to receive the latter part of the definition for this post.

• Confident
• Successful
• Single Women over 40
• Adventurous
• Open-minded
• Romantic

Now if the definition describes you continue reading my post…heck if it doesn’t describe you and you’re off the market please continue to read my post.

Cougar Movies

There are so many suggestive movies that are the epitome of the word “Cougar” (older women and younger men) getting together, but the (3) that stand out are the following:

“The Graduate” starring Anne Bancroft (Mrs. Robinson) and Dustin Hoffman (1967)

“Class” starring Jacqueline Bisset and Andrew McCarthy (1983)

“How Stella Got Her Groove Back” starring Angela Bassett and Taye Diggs (1998)

This was the one movie that placed a smile on a lot of women’s faces back in the day. You know you smiled when you saw Winston Shakespeare Taye Diggs on the beach.

Celebrity Cougars

Hollywood is and always will be a hunting ground for many celebrity cougars, some of the most famous Cougars to date are the following:

Demi and Ashton Kutcher, Vivica A. Fox and 50 cents, Sandra Bullock and Ryan Gosling, Madonna and Jesus Luz, Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade, J. Lo and Casper Smart, Diaz and Justin Timberlake, Vanessa Williams and Rick Fox, Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer, Naomi Watts and Heath Ledger, Joan Collins and her hubby, Nicole Scherzinger and Lewis Hamilton and  Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins.

Forget the stereotype

Be adventurous ladies, no one said stay trapped into the traditional dating game just because you are in your fifties. As with all people, desires and behavior differ depending on the individual, not always their age. Remember age is just a number and as long as that guy is treating you with respect and consideration and not like some sexist stereotype of how a sexually active a woman looks and behaves you shouldn’t have any problems.

Now, we all know that men are visual creatures to no fault when evaluating women’s desirability so when you cross over to this new adventure stay on point with your makeup fashion sense and stay in shape so you won’t look much older than your new bae. I know you have this down pat; however, here are a few tips. You know the drill!

• Contour your face
• Line those lips
• Fill in your eyebrows
• Put on some blush to look youthful and rosy
• Fashion sense/your personal style
• Stay fit

Happy hunting ‘Cougars’ date and have some fun, after all, you are fabulous, sexy, confident women that just so happen still look good enough to attract younger men. Plus you know what works and what doesn’t work in a relationship regardless of a man’s age. So go and school a young Cub if you must!

Golden Divas would you date a man that is 10 years younger than you?

References:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/sep/27/cougar-courtney-cox-older-women