“6 Rules To Dating After 50”

“It’s About Starting Over and Having Fun!”

Hello Golden Divas!

First of all my apologies that this post is a day late ladies!

It’s that time again! Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and couples are going to be hemlock from the weekend before until the actual day on the 14th. Some of my Golden Divas are wishing this Hallmark “Lovers Holiday” quickly disappears off of the calendar. I have several single friends who are just not confident in getting back out there to date, or they simply chose not to get involved back into the dating scene for whatever reason as it may be.

However, for the other Golden Divas who are getting their “How Stella Got Her Groove Back…Over 50” is embracing this holiday and their new chapter in their lives on dating again with much vigor and zest!

Who said when we are living on the other side of fifty that if we are divorced, widowed, or single that we have to push dating to the side? Now that you know you got your sexy back and what’s in your Club Fifty D.N. A. it’s time to have some fun ladies in the dating scene.

“Mature Dating” means changing the way you think about love! Kudos to all of the “Happily Married Couples” out there and the long lost loves that are persevering in their do-over; but for the women who are finding themselves back in the “Dating Game” you’re older and wiser, and you know pretty much of what you want in a relationship.

One thing for sure you do not want to relive your teen years or early twenty years when it comes to dating and all of the indecisiveness and confusion that plague your decision on who, why and when to date. Nonetheless, this might be the last memory you have of your dating experience, and I know this can be a paralyzing factor since some of you probably haven’t dated since your twenties.

On the real tip, I know there are new realities of dating after 50, such as menopause, health and family issues, impotence, etc. But…this is where you have to get your mind right, your feet wet and step out on faith and get yours ladies. Those issues should not change your dating life unless of course, you want it to. Check out this plan to start dating like the mature woman from the Relation Expert dating Coach Bobbi Palmer.

6 RULES TO MATURE DATING

1. Fall in love with yourself.

If you find yourself dating again in your 50s, chances are a major life event — whether it be divorce or losing your loved one — has given you quite the beating. So before you rush out looking for love again, it’s important to be ok with who you are, said Palmer. “It’s about reacquainting yourself with who you are today and what value you hold in a partnership,” she said. “A lot of people are still holding on to the old vision of themselves.”

2. Getting past your list.

You know what Palmer is talking about. The internal list we all have that makes finding your perfect partner as hard as lassoing a unicorn. But holding on to that impossible list isn’t fair to you or the men you date, Palmer said. Instead of focusing on things like appearance, the type of car he drives, and “all the adjectives you’ve had since you were 24,” she says, “really [figure] out the feelings you want to feel in a partnership and what that looks like in real life. Women of maturity learn that there are so many different attributes of a man that count so much more.” 

3. “I’m fabulous, so what’s the damn problem?”

There’s still more “me work” to be done when dating like a grown-up. There’s still the matter of erasing “those recordings that play in your head about men and relationships,” Palmer said. “‘Men only want sex, men don’t want relationships…’ It’s about getting past your limiting beliefs.”

Palmer acknowledges that these beliefs can become as automatic as “blinking,” but said it’s a matter of first recognizing that those beliefs exist and working through why you feel that way. “It’s about being intellectual with your beliefs and realizing they aren’t true,” instead of being completely emotional, she said.

4. Casting the net.

“Make a plan of where and how you’re going to meet the right men and how to get a date,” Palmer advised. Whether it’s getting online (which is how Palmer met her husband), classes, or social meetups for post-50s, “get out of your house, because a lot of us do the same routine every day at [this] point in our lives,” she said. “We need to be proactive in going places where you’re going to potentially meet eligible men.”

Once you’ve reeled in a man of interest, there are a few things the mature woman dating over 50 needs to know.

“Men don’t want to chase women,” Palmer said, laughing. “The whole Rules thing … men in their 50s and 60s know what they want, they know how to get it, so they don’t go for the hard to get stuff.”

That doesn’t mean you have to take the lead, Palmer said, but it does mean it’s ok to show you’re interested in the person. “Men love that,” Palmer said. “They’ve been rejected since they were 14 years old at the dance. We think we have to deal with rejection, but they’ve had it 100 times worse. Compassion is the key to having an enjoyable time when you’re dating. They’re just like us, and we’re all people.”

5. “Rendezvous to romance.”

So you’ve fallen in love with yourself, created a more realistic and flexible list of the traits you’d like in a partner, broadened your social circle and got the date with a man you’re attracted to… now what?

On a first and second date you’re not trying to figure out if you’re going to marry him,” Palmer said with a chuckle. “You want to put your best foot forward [and] you want to show personality.”

And putting your best foot forward means knowing what “baggage” needs to be checked at the door.

“You don’t need to share about your kids who are ungrateful, your bankruptcy case from five years ago or your gout,” Palmer said. “And never talk about exes or previous dates. Don’t even go there.”

6. “Should I stay or should I go?”

Fast forward to a future version of yourself who’s a few dates in with this new man. You’ve reached the final step of dating like a grown-up: after all the self-reflection and open conversation “[apply] that to making the decision if they’re still a good partner,” Palmer said. “Is he giving you the feeling that you’ve identified [are important to you] in your list? It’s about getting that intellect back and making good choices.”

If the person you’ve found continues to hit all the new and approved adult checkmarks you’ve made for yourself, great! See how the relationship unfolds and revisit that list often. But if not, don’t be afraid to start all over again.

“You’re special, and you have a lot to give,” Palmer said. “The right man will totally dig it and the wrong man won’t, but that’s ok.”

It’ll be easier this time around — now that you know how to date like a grown-up.

Golden Divas tell me what you think of her advice — and your own experiences dating after 50 — in the comments section.

Sources

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/20/mature-dating-over-50-date-like-a-grown-up_n_2877610.html